in the au where the wizarding world handles things a little more logically (like, say, checking sirius and peter’s wands for who cast the blasting spell) and sirius doesn’t go to azkaban
sirius ends up raising harry
and obviously remus is along to make sure sirius doesn’t either a: spoil harry into oblivion or b: accidentally kill harry
so harry, growing up with them, goes to hogwarts, and gets someone who asks the question of “do you have a mum” and harry replies with “sort of, i have a moony.”
and sirius hears about this on holiday and starts referring to remus as “moomy” bc he’s horrible
and after some time of this, remus just finally turns around and gives sirius a completely deadpan look and just says
Can we talk about the fact that Sirius Black probably know how to play an instrument?
His family would have most likely required it in order for him to be considered ‘well bred’
I was actually just thinking about this today, and here’s what I came up with:
Sirius plays violin.
When the other Marauders catch wind, they transfigure a violin for him as a joke
They figure that it’ll be funny, that it’ll knock him down a peg– just a peg, mind (it needs doing, on occasion)
“Haha, punk-rock Sirius black plays classical violin”
But when they give the violin to him, he gets all quiet
Remus, who was dubious about the plan from the start, watches with growing concern as Sirius stares at the polished wooden instrument in his lap
Realizing that memories of cruel words and the crack of wood on skin must be rushing through his boyfriend’s head
The Marauders wonder for a moment if Sirius will cry or shout or break the instrument over his knee
But instead a little smile quirks the corner of his mouth
He lifts the violin to his shoulder
And he launches into a fiery, wailing reel
Something wild and entirely muggle
Something that his parents would vehemently abhor
And everyone in the common room stops to watch as his bow frays on the strings, just barely keeping up with his left hand, which is nothing but a blur
And that, children, is how leather-jacket-wearing, motorbike-riding, chain-smoking Sirius Black used fiddle music to rebel against his pure-blood family.
-instantly became ride or die with harry after the troll incedent
-set snape on fire
-brewed an illegal potion for two months in the girls’ bathroom
-turned into a furry
-immediate thought upon encountering a giant murdersnake was ‘better make sure the others find this page on my helpless petrified body bc god knows they won’t figure it out themselves’
-wanted to take finals after like a month in a magical coma
-traveled through time to get evenmore homework
-figured out lupin was a werewolf and didn’t tell anyone because he was a relatively competent teacher compared to magic ryan seacrest and literal voldemort
-essentially snatched trelawney’s weave gotdamn
-slugged draco malfoy, terrified him and his hulking buddies into running, went back in time to watch it again
-confronted a werewolf and his alleged mass murderer friend because, again, ride or die
-broke time travel laws in order to jailbreak azkaban escapee and his pet hippogriff
-dated an international sports star
-put up with all the vile shit rita skeeter wrote about her
-joined secret order dedicated to fighting voldemort
-put up with harry’s shit
-imprisoned a woman in a jar for months, blackmailed her into doing what she wanted
-formed and organized secret defense class, peer pressured harry into leading it
-permanently disfigured the girl who ratted them out. snitches get stitches.
-manipulated the shit out of umbridge
-basically left her to rot in the forbidden forest
-went to fight death eaters with like six of her mates despite her misgivings (RIDE. OR. DIE.)
-immediately agreed to destroy the dark lord’s soul with her buddies despite not having any idea how (RIDE! OR! DIE!)
-mind wiped her parents and made them go to australia to keep them safe
-essentially singlehandedly kept harry and ron alive and functional for the majority of the deathly hallows
-wore the locket while still managing not to be a shithead
-got the shit tortured out of her by bellatrix lestrange. didn’t go insane.
-fought in the battle of hogwarts. didn’t die.
-was unfailingly loyal and did everything she could to keep harry safe for seven years, even when he was quite frankly being a jackass
465. When muggleborn slytherins go home for the holidays they like to see who can get away with passing off the most ridiculous thing as ‘a wizard thing’
Gryffindor online description: brave, noble, chivalrous, a little arrogant and reckless at times, but an all around hero
Gryffindor actual description: “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?” *sees spider and screams*
Ravenclaw online description: witty, intelligent, tends to be eccentric, very smart and pretty nerdy,
Ravenclaw actual description: hasn’t left the house in six days, is down to one square of toilet paper but doesn’t notice because they’re so deep into the Internet
Slytherin online description: cunning, clever, resourceful, can be ruthless and tends to be a villain on the worst days, but loyal to those they love
Slytherin actual description: gets hit in the head with a dodgeball in p.e. because they were busy thinking of ways to overthrow the government
Hufflepuff online description: kind, sweet, tends to be soft spoken, can be a pushover, loyal, hardworking, overly nice sometimes
Hufflepuff actual description: smiles a lot thinks about food 24/7 until someone disses their friend, then all hell breaks loose
write write write 