shacklefunk:

my mom isn’t a big shit for brains most of the time. but some of the time, man.

like she recently started buying this, like, garbage coffee from big lots. and if it was because it was cheap-ok fine, thats a real reason. but her reason was because the brand was called “seattle’s best” (Seattle’s Best Coffee LLC, a subsidiary of starbucks, considered “working class” starbucks. it is LITERALLY low rent starbucks, so if u havent already tasted this coffee, you now know exactly what it fucking tasted like. cardboard soaked with lighter fluid and subjected to gamma radiation until suitably charred)

and when i asked her why she kept buying it she said ‘it’s because it’s seattle’s best?” as if that was ? a real thing? and i was like “what the fuck r u talking about,” to which she responded along the lines of, “well, it’s the best in seattle, that’s a whole city, it has to be good coffee”

like, first of all, who would determine that, the coffee police?

second of all, they lied, mom! it’s a lie! to which she was like, but it says SEATTLES BEST, and im like, fucking anyone can say anything! people can just lie! how have you survived to be fifty-fuck years old thinking things you read on food labels are true, you should be dead of food poisoning or malnutrition or some shit

its amazing. and a thing i think is consistent along her approximate generation, who didn’t grow up being told by the internet that they’ve won 87 free ipads every day of their lives and they just, like. do not believe that people can just get away with lying. but they can. anyone can say anything. nothing is real. i didn’t really win any ipads, mom, and this is not seattles best