absolutely how it went down – write write write

roachpatrol:

whoopsrobots:

auroralynches:

into-the-weeds:

liberty-flight:

I’m reading up on chocolate frog cards in the Harry Potter universe, for reasons, and-

“Came up with the ever changing floor plan.”

Really, Ravenclaw? Really?

“You know what this school needs? To not make any sense-”

“Rowena, I don’t think-”

“Exactly, you don’t think. I’m brilliant and this is perfect. Moving staircases, walls that think they’re doors-”

“But how will the students get to class?”

“They’ll have to figure it out.”

“…”

“Everyday. They will figure it out everyday. My students will live in a tower and navigate these stairs every time.”

“The stairs move! This doesn’t seem safe…I think I’ll put my common room in the basement, Rowena.”

“Ditto. I think the dungeons would be safer…”

“…My kids will brave these stairs. I’ll take the other tower.”

#Rowena snipes that ‘cunning’ means Salazar’s students should be able to handle the moving architecture #Salazar snipes back that ‘cunning’ means knowing when and how to avoid unnecessary bullshit #meanwhile Godric is just yelling PARKOUR! and Rowena is all That’s Not What I Meant #Helga would like her students to make it to class on time and without any broken bones #ninety percent of the reliable secret passages were a team effort by Helga and one of the others #to make sure the house elves could get around all right (via @mzminola)

#i feel like the collaboration was probably hufflepuff and slytherin #in the only time they ever worked together #helga: students and house elves can move safely!#salazar: more places to hide snakes #salazar is like we should make these accessible to people with no legs #helga is like i mean i agree but why are you being so nice about this #salazar is like no reason hey I’m just gonna make some of these rely on snake language for fun #do you think a fifty foot snake would fit in this passage asking for a friend (via @dinosauriaawesome)

i’m literally crying this is 100% what happened

(hey tumblr please don’t delete the previous people’s comments like you did the last time i added someone’s tags to a post mmkay)

No but that’s actually so clever okay like the people who live in the castle would get a general idea of the patterns and how to move around efficiently but like for anyone planning on attacking it would be impossible to infiltrate like how the hell do I attack the headmaster when I can’t even find the bathroom why the fuck am I in a chemistry supply closet okay these stairs went to the main hall but now I’m on my way to the broom closets holy fucking shit fuck leonard SAID the dorm was on the left of the three headed hippogriff but I’m here and it’s just a painting of a man with a donkey face is this a fucikgin joke leonard do you think this is funny because it’snot. its not okay siri how the hell do i get to the nearest anything “here is: the nearest painting” like fuck you siri

actually considering all this, the changing floorplan probably worked exactly as designed when it came to the battle of hogwarts in the late 90′s. the invasion was towards the end of the term, so the students, especially the renegade students in hiding, had the full term to master getting around the school quickly, quietly, and efficiently. the invading deatheaters were generally their parents’s ages, and hadn’t been back to hogwarts in several decades, if they’d even attended at all. so, while the adult invaders easily outmatched the adolescent defenders in strength and skill, hogwarts was a lethal maze to the deatheaters, while it was home to the kids.

rowena knew what the fuck she was doing.