The invincible bear

yourplayersaidwhat:

So some backstory me and another friend brought a few people into d and d and this is there first game. The we’re traveling through a woods and got attacked during a rest. In an attempt to heal the gnome bard our teifling cleric (don’t ask) missed and revived a bear.

Human sorceress( my friend): can I turn it into fish?

Me: go ahead

Sorceress: rolls a 2

Me: ok so you screw up your spell and the gnome is now being crushed by his hat which is now a whale

Cleric: I cast iron skin to raid his ac *rolls 1*

Me: ok you have now created a bear with a 21 armor class at this point in time you can’t even hit it

Sorceress: I try to turn it into a fish again

Me: but you can’t even hit it with the spell

Sorceress:I try anyway

Me: fine you fail no matter what you do and the bear is now traumatized from all it has seen. You now have a invincible bear after you that wants revenge because it can’t kill itself good luck

awesomelifechoices:

Leverage S01E06 – The Stork
Job

(Parker is looking for the mark, but the lecherous mark finds
her first on the balcony.)

The mark: And who has come to shame the splendour of
Belgrade with her beauty?

Hardison: *listening over the comms* Are you kidding me?

Parker: *snaps out* Hardison.

The mark: Hardison. Beautiful name for beautiful lady.

Hardison: *facepalms*

The mark: Tell me, Hardison, what brings you to Serbia?

Hardison: *putting on an accent* “Ah, do my fangs and cape
frighten you?”

Parker: *tries not to laugh*

Sophie and Nate: HARDISON.