yourplayersaidwhat:

DM: You finally reach the room. Everyone but you from your group is inside. (Inside is a queen, a king, a god, Excaliburs holder, and a dragon Lord.

Goblin sorcerer (me): I want to go into the room then.

DM: The door is closed.

Goblin: I knock then.

DM: A royal gaurd stops you from knocking.

Goblin: Fuck you it’s nice to knock let me knock damnit.

DM: He doesn’t let you.

Goblin: Fucking knocking is nice *pulls witches hand from bag. I throw the witches hand at the door so I can fucking knock.

DM: The gaurds notice you throwing a cursed hand at the door. Immediately 30 gaurds come out and shoot you.

phalloid-destroyer:

whoneedsoptimism:

You know what really fucking bothers me about school in general?

It took away my passion.

Before high school I loved to read. I devoured books over and over, stayed up reading with a flashlight when I needed to know what happened next chapter, cherished every book and refused to crack their spines.

Now I can’t remember the last time I read a real book. In English class they would assign us Great Gatsby and Frankenstein and Heart of Darkness and Grapes of Wrath and I couldn’t bring myself to read a single one. Too many things to do, not enough time. Reading became a burden, not an escape.

So I just stopped. I stopped reading every second I had free time. I stopped picking up books in the bookstore. I gave away half my collection. I keep saying “I’ll get back into it soon” but it’s been years.

I stopped reading because I was being forced to read books I wasn’t interested in, and now I’m being forced to read 200 pages a week from textbooks to not fail my classes. I stopped reading because school killed that passion.

This is the exact same experience i had with reading.

askwhathasthiscometo:

🖤 Marlene McKinnon 🖤

She has a look of innocence that tells you she is full of the best kind of bad.

ultward:

this INSTANTLY reminded me of all those old “cullens get kicked out of walmart” crackfics but like

carlisle and esme call a family meeting

carlisle: alright kids, we’re going grocery shopping

emmett: are we making something for bella again?

carlisle: no. people are suspicious about our eating habits so we are going ALL OUT

alice: oh boy, i’ve always wanted to try extreme couponing!

carlisle: absolutely not. now, what do humans buy for groceries? milk? bread?

edward: poptarts. bella always has poptarts

jasper: orange juice? other… juices?

alice: frozen food! all the frozen pizzas. every single one

rosalie: canned goods, probably

esme: definitely things to bake with

emmett: booze

carlisle: no

a few days later they ALL go to the grocery store together. everyone at the local walmart or whatever is totally shocked as every single one of them gets their own cart and just goes through the store filling it up with random shit. nothing coherent, like, none of these food items are going together. most of them shop like college kids who don’t know what eating normally means. the total is hundreds of dollars. they can barely fit it all in their cars

and a few days later, as you say, the food bank in the town over is absolutely popping off, and bella has suddenly come into a lifetime supply of poptarts

telesillaaofargos:

twilightdad:

demetris-left-shoe:

rosaliedyke:

twilightshameblog:

I’m still mad at Edward Cullen for saying that 80′s music is bad

Didnt he say 80s was fine? He said 50s good, 60s and 70s was awful, and 80s fine let me…

Found it. Idk if bearable is valid… But like. At least that

I love the 70s and 80s Edward Cullen you pretentious hoe fight me in the forks high school parking lot

damn that little bitch can fight me too. when i’m high on 80s music nobody can defeat me. with the power of ‘africa’ by toto i can kill any vampire with my bare 80s loving human hands

he can pry my 80s compilation albums out of my cold dead hands