concept: people get suspicious cuz the Cullens never eat so Carlisle and Esme go out, buy a metric ton of food, and the next day coincidentally a food pantry the next town over gets its biggest donation ever

ultward:

this INSTANTLY reminded me of all those old “cullens get kicked out of walmart” crackfics but like

carlisle and esme call a family meeting

carlisle: alright kids, we’re going grocery shopping

emmett: are we making something for bella again?

carlisle: no. people are suspicious about our eating habits so we are going ALL OUT

alice: oh boy, i’ve always wanted to try extreme couponing!

carlisle: absolutely not. now, what do humans buy for groceries? milk? bread?

edward: poptarts. bella always has poptarts

jasper: orange juice? other… juices?

alice: frozen food! all the frozen pizzas. every single one

rosalie: canned goods, probably

esme: definitely things to bake with

emmett: booze

carlisle: no

a few days later they ALL go to the grocery store together. everyone at the local walmart or whatever is totally shocked as every single one of them gets their own cart and just goes through the store filling it up with random shit. nothing coherent, like, none of these food items are going together. most of them shop like college kids who don’t know what eating normally means. the total is hundreds of dollars. they can barely fit it all in their cars

and a few days later, as you say, the food bank in the town over is absolutely popping off, and bella has suddenly come into a lifetime supply of poptarts