wolfstsr:

things james definitely said as quidditch captain:

• “Okay, guys! Practice all day Saturday, I’m taking sandwich orders.”
• “Marlene, if you do not get on that broom right this instant, I’m putting in that first year and I don’t give a shit about the consequences.”
• “To prepare for the game against Slytherin, we’re having an extra practice at 6:30 tomorrow morning.” “Except me.” “Right, except Sirius.”
• “No, Sirius, you cannot install a mirror into the beater’s bat. No, I don’t care if your hair doesn’t look good.”
• “Marlene, answer me this: Is Mary MacDonald on the team? Is she? No, I thought the fuck not. Get her off the field.”
• Sirius: “Okay guys, I’m filling in for James today. Practice is cancelled.” James, yelling, running across the pitch with his robes tangled and his shirt stuck half-over his head: “No it is not.”
• “Sirius, you’re coming to practice. The full moon was a week ago.” “I need time to recuperate!” “Oh, sure, if ‘recuperate’ meant ‘sex with a werewolf’…”
• “Okay, team! Make sure to make me look good today, because Lily is watching. (To chasers) Each of you must pass the Quaffle to me a minimum of twenty-four times or you’re off the team.”
• “Sirius, is there any way you can hit a Bludger at Snape and make it look like an accident? Great.”
• “You know what? Fuck Slytherin. Fuck ‘em. No, I am not crying.”
• “Sirius, trade uniforms with me. I need it to be a size small so that Evans can see how shredded I am.”
• “Moony, if you do not come to the final game against Slytherin I will personally come to the hospital wing and attack you. Physically. With my fists.”
• “How much would it cost to cover every broom on the team in pure gold?” (Harry takes after him.)
• “Guess what? Hufflepuff’s a bunch of losers. They suck. They all deserve to die. No, it’s just allergies, shut up Sirius–”
• “Test tomorrow? Fuck Transfiguration.” “Fuck it!” “Thanks, Marlene.”
• “Treat those goalposts like they are Snivellus’ asshole. Nothing can penetrate them.”
• “Get off the pitch, Mary! Peter can AND will eat you.”
• (During a game) “Yes, Sirius, your hair looks lovely. Please get back to mauling your loser brother with bludgers.”
• “You know what? I knew we could do it. I knew we could win. Because what we have–love–is the most powerful Quidditch skill there is. And the Slytherins will never, ever, understand that. Ow–oh, God–fuck you, Sirius! Yeah, I am fucking crying!”