yourplayersaidwhat:

I’m playing a lawful good dragonborn paladin of Dol Arrah

The party is involved in a conflict between orcs and goblins because our wizard is a dumbass and escalated the conflict we were supposed to stop. We’re also on a mission from Dol Arrah to kill a tannaruk, an orc/demon hybrid that Gruumsh really really hates. As the battle is about to start, the GM describes the scene. The two armies about to go to war, the scarred plain between them, the massive figures of the gods themselves looming over them visible only to the divine casters of the party.

That last bit was a mistake.

I turn towards the figure of Gruumsh and yell “Hey Gruumsh! You’re a god, I’m a paladin, we have a common enemy, can I get some smite?“ 

The GM sighs. “Make a religion roll,” he says, knowing I have never rolled above a 10 on religion before.

Nat 20. I get an extra d8 on all my attacks against this thing. 

Few months pass. We end up running into my evil former mentor. He’s a lot stronger than us, we’ve already been fighting and we’re not at full, things aren’t looking good.

My evil former mentor happens to be a high elf.

“Hey Gruumsh!” I yell. “Wanna help me kill an elf?" 

Religion roll.

Nat 20. 

Yes. Yes he does want to help me kill an elf.